Do you want to make a career move but lack the confidence, feel uncertain and have self-doubt?

One of the most common challenges I hear from my coaching clients is how difficult it can be to move forward when emotions get in the way. You may second-guess your decision, question whether you’re ready or wonder if you’re making the right move. Feeling uncertain doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong path.

A client gave me this analogy about how she felt and it was the perfect way to explain her emotions.  You’re at the top of the hill getting ready to ski down an unknown path. We often fixate on the trees instead of the open path and become paralyzed by perceived obstacles rather than focusing on the destination.

The obstacles are often your emotions which keep you stuck where you are. If you can focus on your destination rather than the obstacles, it will help you regain clarity, confidence and direction to allow you to get you to achieve your career goals.

I define emotional resilience as the ability to step back from your emotions, focus on the facts and create space to see a situation more clearly. It allows you to pause and assess what’s really happening before deciding what to do next. Our perception is not necessarily reality.

Your Emotional Resilience Goal

  1. The Emotional Resilience Pause: Stop, breathe and create space between what you’re feeling and what you’re telling yourself.
  2. Focus on the Facts: Separate what you know from what you’re assuming and ask yourself, What is actually true?
  3. What else could be true? Get another perspective from a trusted source before reaching a conclusion or making a decision.

Getting Started: 3 Key Insights

  1. Your emotions can make you question your ability to move forward
  2. Feeling uncertain doesn’t mean you aren’t capable.  Confidence does not equal competence
  3. Our perception is not necessarily reality.

Self-Reflection Questions:

  1. What am I afraid will happen if I make this move?
  2. What evidence do I have that I can’t do this and what evidence do I have that I can?
  3. Am I lacking the ability or simply lacking the confidence to believe I can do it? What would I do differently if I believed in myself?

Linsight Field Notes

What I did wrong

Early in my career, I took things personally. I didn’t believe in myself, and when I was faced with a challenge or questioned my ability, I would go home emotional and frustrated—and yes, shed a few tears.

I didn’t have the maturity or perspective to understand that I had a choice in how I handled my emotions. I thought what I was feeling was the reality of what was happening. I didn’t understand that my perception wasn’t necessarily the reality.

What I learned

  1. Emotional resilience comes with experience and practice.
  2. Confidence doesn’t equal competence. 
  3. When we are emotional, we often don’t make the right choices.

What I did differently

I took time to pause and dissect what was really happening in any given situation that would heighten my emotions.  I’d ask myself  how I was interpreting it and look at the facts rather than how I was perceiving it.  Over time I became more confident and believed in myself with a simple exercise to stop, breath, look at the facts before making a decision.  This allowed me to build my emotional resilience and allowed me to calmly make better career choices.

Key Takeaways: 

  1. Focus on the facts. Remove the emotion.
  2. Ask for help interpreting a situation to get a different perspective.
  3. Stay calm and carry on.

Don’t let your emotions undermine your confidence.  You are competent.